Always Keep 10% for Yourself
Some people who are in relationships may argue that you are supposed to give 100% to your significant other, but I strongly disagree. How many people do you know get lost in giving his or herself to someone else, only to find out that they end up with their heart shattered to a million pitiful pieces and find it almost unbearable to move on? I know the feeling. I’ve been there multiple times not just with relationships, but with friendships and even work. I came out not knowing who I was, not happy with who I was, and I knew that feeling needed to change. It wasn’t guaranteed that just because I experienced this pain a few times in life already that I’ll never come across it again. So, it’s inevitable. You are going to experience the cruel pains of heartbreak multiple times and in multiple facets of your life. That doesn’t mean we should fear the future or be completely guarded. The important part is knowing how to recover in a healthy and quick way. Keeping 10% for myself is the main reason I am able to bounce back after more recent heartbreak.
If you’re anything like me, you tend to give all of yourself when it comes to relationships, friendships, or work. If you care about and have an extreme amount of passion for someone or something, you get the tendency to lose sight of who you truly are. You end up giving so much of yourself that you don’t have anything left for YOU. This isn’t the worst trait in the world to have; after all I’d rather be more of a giver than a receiver. However, it’s absolutely draining. I used to give 100% of myself to others, but I’ve learned my lesson.
I actually got this concept from my very own dad. It was Summer of 2012 and I was crying on the couch about how I felt so let down by people even though I give them 100%. I was let down multiple times by a guy I was talking to at the time. My dad went on to tell me that I should not give 100% of myself to anyone or anything, but to keep at least 10% for myself. It started to make sense as time went on and I had to handle the heartbreak, the let down, the letting go, the moving on, the picking up of myself, and ultimately the finding strength in myself stage.
In no way am I saying that you shouldn’t put forth 100% effort into your relationships, friendships, or work. In fact, you should always be busting your butt and making it known that you are putting forth every ounce of effort into whoever or whatever you are passionate about. Giving 100% effort versus giving 100% of yourself are two totally different things though. You should never give more than 90% of yourself. After all, how can you truly focus on your relationships, friendships, or work if you haven’t taken care of yourself first, the 10%?
“You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.”
So what does keeping 10% for yourself even look like? It’s going to look different for each individual, but I’ll give you an idea of what I do to keep 10%. There are things in my life that are “non- negotiables”, meaning these are things that truly bring me joy and I am not willing to give them up for anyone or anything. Going to the gym, volunteering, my pets, my time with my sister, my success, and my health are all examples of my “non-negotiable”. These are the things in my life that keep me grounded and truly make up who I am. When I find myself in a heartbreaking situation (I’ve had quite a few this year so far), I remember that I still have those things in my life that keep propelling me forward. I may have lost that special connection with someone I cared about or felt helpless and defeated at work, but I didn’t lose myself in either of those situations. Knowing that you have yourself regardless of what hardships and heartbreak you will face now or in the future, provides much needed relief.
I encourage you to try applying the 10% for yourself rule. You will probably find that you become a much stronger individual and are more equipped to handle hard times when they come your way.
What do you do to bounce back? Are you going to try the 10% rule? Let me know how it goes as I’d love to hear about it!